What I know at 40

Well not much really

Except, I know when I am done

When I want to be go home and be there more than anywhere else

I know that I can miss out and still be okay

I know that missing out on one thing means receiving something else, almost always entirely more important and more sustaining

Being a whole human being matters

The kind that smiles and poops and crys and creates things and prays and thinks all these things work together

The understanding that people are always, always more important than things has mostly gotten to my core

I know that family means everything, the one you are born into and the one you have spent the rest of the time creating for yourself

Marriage is alluring but by all means not the end, being single is also alluring but by all means not the end

What I think matters to me, if it does not matter to you, that’s okay

I like both/and

You could not have convinced me at 20 or 30 that it was really possible to be this okay, with me, just me as I am

I prefer peace but if you want to fight my goal will be to understand you, love you and ask you questions, this may piss you off even more but I will do it anyway

I know that the ability to say I am sorry is a gift, so spread it around

And the gift of being interruptable

I know dancing in the kitchen is an important life practice

And having friendships that can endure just about any old thing for better or for worse is possible

I know good food at a shared table is always memorable

And balconies and veranda’s and are the best place for heart to hearts and making life long friends

Being the beloved is hard

Traveling is essential , to engage the senses in people and places unknown, even if it’s just a neighborhood nearby that you never walked through before

Walking is the best way to see the world

Smiling is the best way to engage it…

When I am grumpy I should stay home

movement helps body, mind and soul. do it everyday.

if you are not being converted everyday into something new then the first time does not matter one bit

And when I am angry that probably means I am most deeply sad, heartbroken…

Giving is better than receiving

And receiving is essential to that whole human being thing

What I know at 40, having lost friends to AIDS and Cancer and disagreement is that the hole does not go away, it just gets smaller and less painful

I also know that some folks really are your friends, you know because they help you move and feed you when your sick, and call you when your down, and expect you to do the same , they walk beside you and you beside them, holding all these thing together even when they are happening at the same time for both of you

People will leave you, respect the ones that walk out the front door and not the back door, be that kind of person

Everybody is hurt, Everybody hurts

Learning to forgive and receive forgiveness is essential

Always tell the truth

Be kind and gentle (include yourself in that circle)

And remember, the greatest lesson you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return

And oh maybe, that, everybody poops!

Like I said, not much really…still learning.

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